An Interview with Mona Darling

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Today I bring you an interview with the fabulous woman behind “Glitter: Real Stories from Real Women about Sexual Desire,” Mona Darling!

1-What gave you the idea for Glitter?
I got the idea at BlogHer’s Pathfinder day last year. We were to draw a map of our life, both talents and experiences to try to see what the lay of land looked like. It was to help us figure out where our strong points lay. This is usually the sort of hippie thing that gives me flash backs to my childhood, but this time, I stuck it out. My map had a ton of little rivers and and mountains and lakes and such representing the many talents I half exceed at. Over the top of everything, was the sex worker sky. The fact that I had been a sex worker for twenty years ment that it touched every part of my life and if I chose to do something non-sex related, it would mean walking away from my knowledge base and all of my contacts. Then I started thinking about all of the stories that friends on twitter had told me about their sex lives and about how much Fifty Shades of Grey was wrongly credited with a female sexual awakening and… suddenly gathering those stories and de-stygmatizing women’s sexuality became a bit of an obsession.
2-Describe the range of experiences in the book and the contributors.
The stories range from basic histories, to stories about specific relationships and encounters. Some of the stories are sexy. Some are just a fascinating look at roads traveled. Many involve shame, or a feeling of not fitting in. Many women have guilt about having sexual curiosities as young girls. Attraction to other women was also a common theme. BDSM, threesomes and and a wide variety of fetishes are discussed. Two women talk about being virgins well past when they expected to have given up that status. I was really impressed and amazed at the diversity of the stories I received. It more then confirmed my suspicions that women are not, in the least, following societies expectations of them, they’ve just been doing in the shame filled dark. And Fifty Shades of Grey had not awakened anything that wasn’t already smiling seductively from the back corners of our psyche. If anything, Fifty Shades of Grey has started to pull back the veil. I would like to rip that veil off.

3-What’s your vision for Glitter?

I see Glitter more as a movement then a simple book. I put together a web site that I hope will grow to be a community site for women to support and understand each others interests and experiences. I in no way think women need to stand on street corners shouting about their interest in kinky sex, polyamory, bisexuality etc, but I DO think they should feel ok owning those feelings privately and not feeling the guilt that so many women feel for not being “normal.” I also want women to be able to discuss rape and assault rather then feeling like they brought it on themselves. Finally, I want everyone to understand that there is no RIGHT way. You are not more enlightened if you are poly or kinky. You are not more virtuous if you are monogamous. The only correct way, is the way that you are most comfortable with.

Hense the motto of the Sisterhood of the Glitter, or, The Glitterhood.
EXPLORE: your interests
RESPECT: others sexuality
DETERMINE: your limits
4-Why did you choose to self-publish?
I decided to self-publish for a couple of reasons. It is such an exciting time in publishing. The barrier to entry is very low and anyone can jump in the fray. There are no rules except the ones you make yourself and the learning curve is unbelievably steep. That’s the kind of world I like. So, even though I was approached by a couple of publishers, the idea of doing it on my own was just too tempting. Also? Traditional publishing is slow and I’m impatient. And of course, there was also the worry that a traditional publisher would want to polish the stories too much or sensationalize certain aspects. I’m in this to make a difference. Not to make a dollar.
5-Where can I get a copy?
Glitter is available on Amazon or through your local book store. Simply walk in proudly and ask them to order it for you if they don’t have it in stock.  It is also available for kindle.
International readers can find it on Book Depository (free shipping worldwide).

6-What else would you like to share?

Join the Glitter Movement at Glitterhood.com. Share your story and offer support to others. Lets end the era of women tearing other women down and start a new era of women supporting each other unconditionally.

Mona Darling spent close to twenty years as an A-list professional dominatrix before becoming a D-list mommy blogger. After spending many years traveling the world being told that she is fabulous, she now spends her days being told she doesn’t drive fast enough by her three-year-old son.

She writes, sporadically, about food, sex and toddler-related mayhem at DeadCowGirl.com.

NEW BOOK–Glitter:Real Stories from Real Women about Sexual Desire

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I’m so proud to be associated with this book.  If you are/were a fan of The Vagina Monologues, you will love Glitter.  It’s a compilation of true stories about sex and sexuality.  There are women from all walks of life.  The stories include overcoming sexual abuse, still being a virgin, hiring a call girl, coming out and so many others.

Mona asked us to check out the pdf to ensure that our stories didn’t have any typos and the next thing I knew I’d read every story in the collection.

My essay is called Invisible Bisexual…here’s a short excerpt

Even though by that point I had gay friends and had divorced myself of the prejudices of my upbringing, I just couldn’t wrap my head around my own sexuality.  Had I been attracted solely to women, I could have understood that.  Wanting both men and women made me feel guilty.  Why couldn’t I just pick?

This is the heart of one of the most harmful and common tropes of bisexuality-that we are greedy, slutty fence sitters who are unwilling to limit ourselves to partners of one sex.  I should know how harmful it is—it’s the argument with which I berated myself.

Admitting that I sought counseling from my college’s therapists is somewhat embarrassing.  But I needed to talk to someone, to say things aloud that I’d kept quiet for a long time, and they provided a safe environment.  Within a few months of that make out session, I came out to someone for the first time.  My friends accepted me.  My mom decided it was a phase I’d soon be over, just as I’d gotten over my goth phase, and rolled her eyes.

I have not and will not receive any payment for this book–all proceeds are going to be donated to support women’s reproductive health.

At the moment it’s only available in the US

  • Amazon US-paperback only.  Mona tells me Kindle is coming, but there are formatting issues at the moment.
  • Create Space

50 Shades of Glitter Kickstarter

Hey all
My twitter pal Dead Cow Girl has a kickstarter project that needs some love.

Women have always been stuck in the middle of a battle that’s not entirely our own. If we are openly sex positive, we are slutty and broken. If we are sexually reserved, we are frigid and uptight. Now with Fifty Shades of Grey on every best seller and must read list, talking about sex is all the rage. But, is the sex we are talking about our sex? Or is the sex we are talking about the sex we are expected to talk about.

While I dislike the book, I do love the fact that it has so many women talking about sex. Let keep that trend going!

I want to publish an Anthology of real women’ sexual histories and defining moments.

I have worked as a Dominatrix for the last twenty years, and once I had my son and started blogging as The Dominatrix Mommy blogger, I starter to hear from women who wanted to talk about their fetishes and fantasies. Their stories were fascinating and diverse, from fairly simple, to wildly adventurous, but a vast majority had one thing in common; nearly all of those women thought they were the only one. They felt ashamed and weird, and many had never shared their story with anyone.

I want to collect and share these stories so that women can read them and understand that they aren’t alone. That they aren’t “different” or “damaged.” They are just…. normal, healthy, curious, amazing women.

 

How can you not want to be part of that?  (Yes, I’ve submitted a piece, and have backed the project personally).  Go here to donate.