My first book (part 2)

Yesterday I shared the first half of a book I wrote in third grade.  I was obscenely proud of this work, which I guess goes to prove why I still have it 28 years later.  Today I’ll share the second half.  All spelling and grammar errors are as written.

DSC_0646So one day the princess started to build a boat, a steamship, that was humongously huge that would hold billions and trillions of Unicorns to take them to Colorado and California and Florida.

DSC_0647Having that happy thought, the princess started on her merry way. The princess started to sing a little song that went like this:

Hi ho hi ho

It’s off to Unicorns I go,

And off we go to Colorado

And I sing hi ho hi ho hi ho.

Off we go hi ho hi ho,

Hi ho hi ho hi ho hi ho hi ho

Hi ho o o o o o o o o o.


And finally after many long days and nights she found her people, the Unicorns, but this is not the end.  The Unicorns visited Colorado and they found nasty Pegasuses that thought only Pegasuses were the best.

DSC_0649They had a terribly bad war between the Unicorns and the Pegasuses.  One day something happened, a baby Pegasus and a baby Unicorn met each other and became friends and the grown-ups did too.

The End

*mic drop*

No I did not skip pages or switch in other stories.  That is it in all of its confused and inconsistent narrative glory.

Questions that I would love to ask my 8 year old self after reading this

  1. What were the special powers that the Queen/King/Prince have and how did the Magicians overpower them?
  2. Wait, how did the Princess find them when yesterday you told me that she never found them because they were on the Disappearing Island.  TELL ME MORE ABOUT DISAPPEARING ISLAND.
  3. If Colorado didn’t work out, what about California and Florida.
  4. And while we’re at it, how did they get a massive ship to the mountains of Colorado?
  5. Tell me about the war!
  6. How did two babies hammer out a peace agreement?
  7. Aren’t you scared that Disney will hit you with a copyright infringement suit?

I’ll be back later this week to rave to you about Tamsin Flower’s new project, Alchemy xii

My first book (part 1)

We recently excavated our storage closet.  Among outgrown baby clothes and tax returns from four years ago I stumbled across the magnum opus of my primary school writing career-The Last Unicorn.

Here is the first half of the book I wrote, edited, illustrated and TYPED on an actual TYPEWRITER because I’m old.  I’ve decided to share it with you because it’s just so damn bad.

All spelling and grammar errors are as written.

DSC_0641Once upon a time there were millions and trillions of Unicorns.  There was a greedy king who wanted everything including every single Unicorn! Finally one day the king said “I Have It! I Know How To Get Those Unicorns To Work For Me, Me, Me!”

DSC_0642All his subjects asked, “What?”

He said, “I shall call my Magicians, Hingle, Mingle, Shingle, and Bingle to put a spell over Uniland. But there is one problem. The King, Queen, Prince and Princess Unicorns cannot be captured because of their special qualities.  But I want them never-the-less.  My Magicians can take their powers away ay.”

DSC_0643But in Uniland they were setting up a plan to move because of the king, but that meant going past the castle wall.

When they did, they all got captured, all but one, the princess.

DSC_0644The princess started to cry. “My Mama, oh my Papa, oh my poor brother, oh my dear Unicorns. Oh me, oh my, what am I going to do?”

After a long time she stopped crying and said, “I will find the exact place that the king has put all the Unicorns.”

DSC_0645One day the princess said, “I think I have found the place that all the Unicorns are hidden.”  But she was very very wrong. She looked everywhere but never found them because they were on Disappearing Island.

Tune in tomorrow to find out the stunning conclusion to The Last Unicorn…