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New on the Naughty List

coming together for the holidaysI hold the copyright to this story. Do not publish any part of this story without my consent, in writing.


Delilah Night

The elf perched on her chair, performing the annual audit of the 1978 Naughty list. It was a tedious duty; after more than three decades, the list was effectively static.

“Johnson, Jeremy—tax evasion.” Lucy murmured and entered his data into her tablet. Two copies of his tax return showed on the tablet. Yes, still Naughty.

“Judson, Sherrie—manipulation.” Video of the plastic surgeon preying on patient insecurity. Lucy confirmed that Sherrie was still Naughty.

“Kaspar, Matthew—sexual deviant?” Lucy’s eyebrows rose. Not only was Matthew a new entry on the list, but this was the first time she’d ever seen that as a designation. Lucy entered his data, and then frowned. “Unable to verify?”

The elf found her manager switching between three tablets at lightning speed, frantically working through the entire ‘78 Nice list. “How the hell am I supposed to prevent stretch marks from pregnancy? I’m an elf, not a magician! Nothing else on the list? Seriously, Carol? It’s genetic! Okay, we’ll give you a gift card to that spa that promises it can remove them. Enjoy the totally ineffective avocado wrap.”

Lucy cleared her throat.

“What?” Kendra snapped.

“I have a Naughty that can’t be video verified,” Lucy said cautiously.

“So? Base it on their history on your list.”

“It’s a new Naughty. I think we need to arrange for someone to do a physical verification.”

Kendra heaved a sigh and rubbed her temples. “Take Blitzen. Go down and do the verification yourself, but get it done today. I don’t have to remind you it’s the 23rd.” She made a shooing motion at Lucy. “Give the rest of your list to Andrew; he was bragging that he’d finished his. That’ll shut him up.” She returned to her work.

Lucy stammered, “But I’ve never done a field assignment. I’m—”

“Are you kidding me?” Kendra’s head whipped up. “You’re going to bitch about a field assignment on the twenty-third? The twenty-third? Get your ass down there, do the verification and get back here!”

Reindeer Complex was buzzing with activity. Prancer’s handlers were counting reps as he did something resembling push-ups. Cupid was screaming at her elves for putting decaf coffee in her bucket.

Blitzen’s stall was the only one without a crowd outside the entrance. Lucy peeked in to see the reindeer sprawled on the floor, watching Star Wars. There was a bag of potato chips half-hidden under some hay.

Lucy knocked. “Blitzen?”

Blitzen grunted, but didn’t look up from Leia’s pleas to help her.

“I have to go South and verify a new Naughty? The video system isn’t working? Kendra suggested that you give me a ride? To Boston? I know it’s the twenty-third, but it’s a new Naughty.”

A long-suffering sigh was his only response.

Lucy knew she couldn’t screw up her first field assignment. “Please, Blitzen?”

Dancer’s voice erupted from the stall opposite Blitzen. “These bells are tarnished! How is that acceptable? Does no one care about standards anymore?

Blitzen’s ears flattened at the increasingly shrill noise. “Fine. At least I’ll have a valid excuse for getting out of here.”

Blitzen explained how to ride reindeer-back and then they were off. Lucy’s emotions swung betwixt excitement and terror. This field assignment could mean big things for her career if she was able to verify a Naughty.

Blitzen was flying at almost-Christmas speed. “It’ll take about an hour to get to Boston. I’m bored. Let’s talk. What’s your N-O-N’s designation?”

“Sexual deviant,” Lucy said, blushing.

“What’s your game plan, noob?”

“I don’t know. What do you think I should do?”

“Screwed, you are,” he replied in a terrible imitation of Yoda. “Go home,” he added in his normal voice.

“No. I was given the assignment and I’m going to do it,” Lucy said stubbornly.

“Your funeral. Prepare for landing.”

Lucy’s teeth rattled as they hit the roof of a multi-story brownstone in the Back Bay. She dismounted and stretched, looking around at the view. Turning back to Blitzen she came face to face with a tall dark-skinned man. He seemed to be sporting the same style of post-college casual as the majority of the mid-20-something men on the street.

He grinned sardonically. “You look surprised.”

She’d heard the rumors, but never seen it firsthand. “How’d you—”

“Reindeer have gnarly skills according to Vix. I call it a unique ability to blend into whatever the situation calls for. Shopping at Newbury Comics calls for this. When do you want me to meet you back here? One hour, two?” He glanced at his watch.

“Aren’t you going to help me?”

“Sink or swim, elf girl. I’ll get you off the roof, but then you’re on your own. Take my hand,” he said, extending it.

Blitzen pulled her through the rooftop access door.

“Good luck,” he tossed over his shoulder before descending the stairs and disappearing through the door to the street.

The elf knew that Matthew Kaspar lived in apartment 3C. Lucy took out her specialized North Pole smartphone. A smile spread across her face when she saw an outstanding order on Matthew’s Amazon account. Lucy sent a text, and moments later, a box with the familiar logo appeared.

The tech advances of the last twenty years allowed the Elves to streamline a lot of practices, such as package transportation. Now Santa only had to do a token appearance for NORAD and visit the top 3% on the Nice list personally. The elves took care of the rest. Unfortunately transportation tech didn’t work on living creatures, or she could have been spared Blitzen’s merciless wit and Yoda impressions.

Armed with Matthew’s package and a smile, she knocked.

Matthew Kaspar turned out to be a regular guy. Average height and build with brown eyes. He wore glasses, jeans, and a t-shirt.

“Are you Matthew?” Lucy asked.

“Yeah. You are…” his voice trailed off and he raised an eyebrow.

“Lucy. I think the mailman wasn’t paying attention. I live in 3C a few doors down, and he left this at my apartment.” She smiled and held up the Amazon box.

“That’s really cool of you. Can I offer you a cup of coffee to say thanks?” he opened the door wider, inviting her in.

“It’s Christmas. I thought I’d play Santa’s elf.” Lucy winked at Matthew as she entered. A quick glance around the living room and into the kitchen showed nothing out of the ordinary. She wondered again about what a Naughty designation of sexual deviant meant. Gesturing at the box, she asked, “So what book did I elf back to you?”

Matthew’s face turned red. Lucy cursed her carelessness. She’d only confirmed he had an order, not what it was.

“Uh, well…” he faltered.

“One hundred ways to murder a stranger who delivers Amazon packages to your door?” she teased. “Unless it’s that, what’s there to be embarrassed about?”

He cleared his throat. “Um, it’s a book of Christmas erotica.”

Lucy was thrilled to have the opening. A delicious idea invaded her mind: what better way to find out if he was a sexual deviant than to do so first hand? “That’s adorable. Let me see?”

His jaw dropped. “Are you for real?”

She winked and held out her hand. “Maybe I’m like Santa and I’m only real if you believe I am.”

“Do you like this sort of stuff?” He opened the box and handed the book to Lucy.

She skimmed the book’s back flap. “Sure.” She liked erotica, although the Christmas theme was a little too close to home.

“Where did you come from?” he asked, grinning in disbelief.

“The North Pole. Obviously.”

Matthew took a deep breath, and then leaned in to kiss her. Lucy was unprepared for the way his touch ignited her desire. The book fell to the floor with a thud, and was ignored. Lucy pressed her body against his, opening her mouth for a deeper kiss. One of Matthew’s hands ventured down to squeeze her ass. Lust overpowered any second thoughts she might have had.

Lucy’s hands slid under Matthew’s t-shirt and her nails lightly scratched a path from his shoulder blades to his waist.

“Touch me,” she whispered.

“I must have been really good this year,” he said as he pulled her sweater over her head to find only skin beneath.

“Or really Naughty,” she countered.

His mouth closed over a pert rose nipple while one of his hands caressed her other breast, urging the nipple to hardness. Pleasure zinged from her breasts to her clit.

Lucy yanked Matthew’s shirt off. He paused to toss his glasses off to the side before wrapping his arms around her once more. They slid to the floor, Lucy straddling him. She could feel his growing erection and rocked against it, torturing them both with the friction.

“Please tell me you don’t want to stop,” he groaned.

“I don’t want to stop,” she affirmed.

Matthew rolled them so that Lucy’s bare back now pressed against the cool hardwood floor. He lay between her legs, his cock insistently pushing at the barriers between them. His tongue echoed the motion, invading her welcoming mouth. Lucy sucked his tongue, picturing other things she’d like to suck.

Matthew moved back to her breasts. When he lightly applied his teeth, she begged for more. Matthew nipped her, slowly crossing and re-crossing the line between pleasure and pain. His hand did the opposite of his mouth: gentle when his teeth were cruel, pinching and pulling when his lips seduced. The combination of opposite sensations drove Lucy to the edge. Matthew drew noises from her that she’d never uttered before.

His hand slid from her breast and he moved so he could tease her through her jeans. He caressed the denim, creating enough sensation to heighten her arousal, but not nearly enough to come. Lucy writhed beneath him, her brain turning to slush.

After what seemed like an eon, Lucy heard the sound of a zipper opening. Cool air tickled her pelvis. Limp with pleasure, it took her several tries to lift her hips enough to allow Matthew to draw down her jeans. Finally, she lay nude beneath him.

“You’re beautiful,” he said reverently.

His fingers traced up and down her thighs with feather-light strokes, persuading her legs to open. Matthew slowly kissed his way towards the apex of her thighs, torturing her with anticipation. He managed to stroke every bit of skin except her slit.

“Please,” she moaned.

“Please what?”

“Lick me!”

When he spread her lips and licked her clit, Lucy felt a blizzard form. A finger, then two, slid into her sopping cunt. He pumped his hand in time with his lapping tongue. Lucy surrendered, chanting his name. Her body spasmed as the storm unleashed its fury over her body.

Lucy wasn’t sure she could move. When she willed her eyes to open, Matthew seemed almost blurry. A wicked smile curved his lips and his fingers stroked her, sending an aftershock racing through her body.

“I don’t think I can take any more,” she whispered.

He proved her wrong. Three more times.

After the final orgasm subsided, she murmured, “My nose has gone numb. That’s never happened before.”

He laughed. “Do you want to move to the bed?”

“The floor is right here.”

“Yes, but the bed is more comfortable. That is, if you want to stay a little longer,” he tempted.

“I don’t know if I can walk,” she said, stretching experimentally.

“I’ll help you,” he said. They stumbled to his bedroom. A king-sized bed piled high with pillows greeted them.

Lucy was lying in the circle of Matthew’s arms as her energy slowly returned. When she could feel her nose again, her hands began to explore his body. His chest was covered in swirls of dark hair. Her fingers traced the path down to his jeans and back again. She stroked a flat nipple.

“Yes, please,” he said.

Lucy slid down his body and licked the nipple.

“More,” he murmured, hands stroking her hair, encouraging her to stay there a while.

Remembering the pleasure he’d brought her, she was determined to do the same. She licked his nipple, occasionally swirling her tongue, or grazing it with her teeth. She blew softly on it, and he groaned, hand fisting in her hair. Straddling him, she rubbed her body against his. She reveled in the sensation of the stiff denim of his jeans against her bare skin.

Lucy nibbled and sucked her way down the trail of hair to the band of his jeans. Matthew whispered encouragement, arching his hips in a not-so-subtle hint that other parts of his body were aching for her touch.

Sliding further down his body, Lucy nuzzled his hardness through the jeans.

“Please, Lucy,” he moaned.

Lucy lowered the jeans just enough to free his cock. She ran her thumb up his length, ending with her finger at the ultra-sensitive spot just below the tip. Massaging it, she wrapped her fingers about his girth and stroked him.

Lips parted in anticipation, she bent to lick the glistening head of his penis. As her tongue swept across the tip, Matthew’s hands fisted in the bedding. She took him into her mouth and began to blow him.

“Not that I don’t want you to do that for the next year, but I want to be inside you,” Matthew gasped.

“Do you have condoms?”

“Bedside drawer. God, you’re like a fantasy come to life. Promise me you’re not a figment of my imagination caused by too much egg nog.”

“I’m definitely not a figment of your imagination.”

Lucy leaned over and opened the drawer. Her eyes scanned the contents. Passport case, consensual porn, Tylenol, and a broken watch. There was no sign of anything Naughty. Gleefully, she noticed a full three-pack of Trojans just begging to be used. She snatched them and eagerly tore one open. Then, shifting gears, she moved with torturous slowness as she rolled the condom over Matthew’s rod.

“What position do you like?” Matthew asked, head bent back.

In reply, Lucy straddled him and their eyes locked as she lowered herself onto him. Matthew’s hands gripped her hips and his fingers dug in as he filled her.

Slowly, she circled her hips. Her hands wandered her own body, teasing her nipples, sliding down to brush over her clit, and back up again. Matthew groaned her name. Lucy moved more purposefully, rocking her hips with increasing urgency.

“Lucy, I can’t…” Matthew begged.

“Don’t hold back,” she responded.

Matthew’s hands clenched her hips as he thrust into her, head thrown back in ecstasy, her name a prayer on his lips. Lucy’s eyes closed as another orgasm washed over her.

Exhausted, she collapsed next to him. Naughty or Nice, he was the best sex she’d ever had. Matthew cuddled her close to his side, pillowing her head with his shoulder. Her fingers drew lazy circles in his chest hair as she contemplated that she’d be happy if this moment lasted forever.

“Girlfriend?” she wondered aloud.

“No. Boyfriend?”

“No. Why no girlfriend?”

“Cliché, but I never met the right girl,” he answered, rubbing her back. “Why aren’t you taken?”

Lucy was trying to come up with a response that didn’t involve explaining about having a snowman break her heart when an insistent ringing from the other room caught their attention. The phone went to voicemail, and immediately rang again.

“I think that’s your phone. Someone seems determined to get you to pick up,” Matthew observed after four calls went to voicemail and the phone continued to ring.

Lucy felt awkward for the first time that night as she slid out of bed and went to the other room. She picked up her phone to see thirty-seven missed texts. It began to ring again. “Hel—?”

“What have you been doing? It’s now the twenty-fourth, Jar-Jar. Call it one way or the other, but we need to get back to the Pole. Santa will have my ass and yours as it is. Go to the roof, now. If you’re not there in 5, I’m leaving without you,” Blitzen spat out before she could even finish saying “hello.”

“Okay,” Lucy replied regretfully. “I’ll be right there.”

She pulled on her clothes as Matthew came to the door separating the living room and the bedroom. He leaned against the doorframe, watching her silently. Lucy could see that his feelings were hurt.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go. It’s an emergency,” she apologized, shoving the phone into her jeans pocket. Lucy ran out the door and up the stairs, realizing too late she hadn’t even kissed him good-bye. Regret flooded her as she knocked at the rooftop door.

Blitzen yanked her through.

“Hold this.” He shoved a bag into her hands before he morphed back into reindeer shape. “Get on,” he said tersely.

Before she’d fully settled on his back, he’d taken off. Flying at Christmas Eve speed this time, it took only twenty minutes to get back to the North Pole. Blitzen was clearly in no mood to talk. The ride passed in silence, while Lucy thought about the evening with Matthew. She told herself it was the wind whipping past that made her eyes leak tears.

Two figures awaited them at Reindeer Complex: a handler to bathe and massage Blitzen, and Santa.

“You. Rest,” Santa said pointing at Blitzen. “We’ll talk after Christmas.”

Turning to Lucy, Santa said “You. Follow me.”

Head lowered in shame, Lucy followed Santa to his office. She sat in the chair he indicated and waited to hear what her punishment would be. She hoped to Polaris that he wouldn’t bust her back to painting barcodes on boxes or some equally horrific fate.

“So, Lucy…did you like your present?” Santa asked.


“Did you like your present?”

“I’m sorry, Santa, but I don’t understand,” Lucy felt as though Santa were speaking a foreign language.

“Matthew. He was your present. And, quite neatly, you were his,” Santa said.

“He’s not Naughty? I knew it! I couldn’t figure out what would have flagged him.”

“Quite the contrary. You were both extremely good this year. I have a feeling that after Christmas you’re going to put in for a transfer? I hear Boston has an opening.” Santa’s eyes twinkled merrily as he dismissed Lucy.

A year later Kendra saw a request on the ‘78 Nice list that made her smile.

“Kaspar, Matthew—the perfect engagement ring for Lucy. You definitely belong on the Nice list.”

**********The End**********

If you want to know what Blitzen was doing during the events of New on the Naughty list, read “A Reindeer by Any Other Name”


If you liked “New On the Naughty List,” please consider purchasing the anthology. All proceeds go to Stand Up for Kids, an organization that helps homeless children.

Coming Together: For the Holidays

You can also check out my new novella, Capturing the Moment.

RJ and Meg were one deeply in love. But that was six years and a broken engagement ago.

Will one day in Siem Reap, Cambodia bring them back together, or will they go their separate ways?

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