Posted on April 2, 2013 by delilahnight
Today I bring you an interview with the fabulous woman behind “Glitter: Real Stories from Real Women about Sexual Desire,” Mona Darling!
1-What gave you the idea for Glitter?
I got the idea at BlogHer’s Pathfinder day last year. We were to draw a map of our life, both talents and experiences to try to see what the lay of land looked like. It was to help us figure out where our strong points lay. This is usually the sort of hippie thing that gives me flash backs to my childhood, but this time, I stuck it out. My map had a ton of little rivers and and mountains and lakes and such representing the many talents I half exceed at. Over the top of everything, was the sex worker sky. The fact that I had been a sex worker for twenty years ment that it touched every part of my life and if I chose to do something non-sex related, it would mean walking away from my knowledge base and all of my contacts. Then I started thinking about all of the stories that friends on twitter had told me about their sex lives and about how much Fifty Shades of Grey was wrongly credited with a female sexual awakening and… suddenly gathering those stories and de-stygmatizing women’s sexuality became a bit of an obsession.
2-Describe the range of experiences in the book and the contributors.
The stories range from basic histories, to stories about specific relationships and encounters. Some of the stories are sexy. Some are just a fascinating look at roads traveled. Many involve shame, or a feeling of not fitting in. Many women have guilt about having sexual curiosities as young girls. Attraction to other women was also a common theme. BDSM, threesomes and and a wide variety of fetishes are discussed. Two women talk about being virgins well past when they expected to have given up that status. I was really impressed and amazed at the diversity of the stories I received. It more then confirmed my suspicions that women are not, in the least, following societies expectations of them, they’ve just been doing in the shame filled dark. And Fifty Shades of Grey had not awakened anything that wasn’t already smiling seductively from the back corners of our psyche. If anything, Fifty Shades of Grey has started to pull back the veil. I would like to rip that veil off.
3-What’s your vision for Glitter?
I see Glitter more as a movement then a simple book. I put together a web site that I hope will grow to be a community site for women to support and understand each others interests and experiences. I in no way think women need to stand on street corners shouting about their interest in kinky sex, polyamory, bisexuality etc, but I DO think they should feel ok owning those feelings privately and not feeling the guilt that so many women feel for not being “normal.” I also want women to be able to discuss rape and assault rather then feeling like they brought it on themselves. Finally, I want everyone to understand that there is no RIGHT way. You are not more enlightened if you are poly or kinky. You are not more virtuous if you are monogamous. The only correct way, is the way that you are most comfortable with.
EXPLORE: your interests
RESPECT: others sexuality
DETERMINE: your limits
4-Why did you choose to self-publish?
I decided to self-publish for a couple of reasons. It is such an exciting time in publishing. The barrier to entry is very low and anyone can jump in the fray. There are no rules except the ones you make yourself and the learning curve is unbelievably steep. That’s the kind of world I like. So, even though I was approached by a couple of publishers, the idea of doing it on my own was just too tempting. Also? Traditional publishing is slow and I’m impatient. And of course, there was also the worry that a traditional publisher would want to polish the stories too much or sensationalize certain aspects. I’m in this to make a difference. Not to make a dollar.
5-Where can I get a copy?
Glitter is available on Amazon or through your local book store. Simply walk in proudly and ask them to order it for you if they don’t have it in stock. It is also available for kindle.
International readers can find it on Book Depository
(free shipping worldwide).
6-What else would you like to share?
Join the Glitter Movement at Glitterhood.com. Share your story and offer support to others. Lets end the era of women tearing other women down and start a new era of women supporting each other unconditionally.
Mona Darling spent close to twenty years as an A-list professional dominatrix before becoming a D-list mommy blogger. After spending many years traveling the world being told that she is fabulous, she now spends her days being told she doesn’t drive fast enough by her three-year-old son.
She writes, sporadically, about food, sex and toddler-related mayhem at DeadCowGirl.com.
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Posted on February 25, 2013 by delilahnight
I’m so proud to be associated with this book. If you are/were a fan of The Vagina Monologues, you will love Glitter. It’s a compilation of true stories about sex and sexuality. There are women from all walks of life. The stories include overcoming sexual abuse, still being a virgin, hiring a call girl, coming out and so many others.
Mona asked us to check out the pdf to ensure that our stories didn’t have any typos and the next thing I knew I’d read every story in the collection.
My essay is called Invisible Bisexual…here’s a short excerpt
Even though by that point I had gay friends and had divorced myself of the prejudices of my upbringing, I just couldn’t wrap my head around my own sexuality. Had I been attracted solely to women, I could have understood that. Wanting both men and women made me feel guilty. Why couldn’t I just pick?
This is the heart of one of the most harmful and common tropes of bisexuality-that we are greedy, slutty fence sitters who are unwilling to limit ourselves to partners of one sex. I should know how harmful it is—it’s the argument with which I berated myself.
Admitting that I sought counseling from my college’s therapists is somewhat embarrassing. But I needed to talk to someone, to say things aloud that I’d kept quiet for a long time, and they provided a safe environment. Within a few months of that make out session, I came out to someone for the first time. My friends accepted me. My mom decided it was a phase I’d soon be over, just as I’d gotten over my goth phase, and rolled her eyes.
I have not and will not receive any payment for this book–all proceeds are going to be donated to support women’s reproductive health.
At the moment it’s only available in the US
- Amazon US-paperback only. Mona tells me Kindle is coming, but there are formatting issues at the moment.
- Create Space
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Posted on February 10, 2013 by delilahnight
Last Valentine’s Day, Irresistible: Erotic Romance for Couples, edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel was released.
My story, Renewal, is one of the stories included in that anthology. Below is an excerpt…
“I used to feel lust when I saw you. I’d look at your hands and fantasize about them sliding under my skirt at that movie we saw on our third date. I’d see your dimples and remember all the stuff you talked me into…remember Cabo? Now it’s like you’re a stranger. But I’m a stranger, too. I didn’t recognize myself in a mirror today. We’re two strangers.”
I desperately needed him to understand what I wanted.
As I’d talked, Super Corporate Guy had fallen away. Justin had leaned against the wall, hands in his pockets, lips quirking in small smiles at the memories. “Strangers?” He rolled the word around in his mouth, testing its flavor.
“If you were my wife, I’d tell you that I’d work harder on us. That I love you. But you’re a stranger.” As he circled me, inhaling my perfume, his voice got deeper.
“That’s right. I’m a stranger. And you’re here for one reason.”
“You’re the kind of woman who’d bring a stranger to a hotel room for that?” he asked, his hand sliding over my breast, pinching my nipple for emphasis.
That touch sent a long missing ripple through my body. I hesitated, hoping he’d remember what I love. The pinch grew harder until I gasped, then changed to a rhythmic back and forth against the erect nub hungry for that exact touch. My eyes closed with pleasure. He leaned forward and began to nibble on my neck, his finger still at work on my breast, his other hand sliding down to cup my ass.
“Yes” I hissed with pleasure.
If you’re interested in buying Irresistible, you can find it at these websites…
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Posted on July 12, 2012 by delilahnight
So I was reading Irresistible, which is the anthology my story “Renewal” is published in.
I read it and immediately wanted to edit/revise it.
Anyone else do this?
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Posted on February 15, 2012 by delilahnight
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. The husband had to work late, and I was home with the girls. The baby, at 4 months, is hardly a handful…but the 3 year old can be another story entirely.
I rigged a game of Candyland to ensure a speedy end once I’d announced that bedtime was imminent, after the game was over. I had barely settled her and gone out to the living room when my husband got home.
I was surprised that instead of feeling happy that he was home….I felt a frisson of disappointment. Part of me had been gearing up for an hour or two of alone time before ending the evening with my partner. While I was happy to see him, and had been missing him…I felt a little cheated of “me time.”
I recognized this feeling from my last go-round with the newborn period. The sensation of being “touched out.” I love that the LM is affectionate and loves to climb in my lap and give me hugs and beg for “Mommy ups” (to be picked up and hugged tightly) and so forth. I love that I’ve managed a successful breastfeeding relationship with BG. I love that my husband is still attracted to me physically after almost 7 years together and 2 children. But there are days when I all I want is NOT to be touched, hugged, pulled on, climbed on, breastfed from, and so forth.
Yesterday I took that “me time” by making my husband dinner. Yes, it’s a total cliche…but I love to cook, and the kitchen is my domain. Making food for my loved ones makes me happy (most days…) and as I prefer to cook alone, it also serves as a place where I get that touch-free time. By the time dinner was ready, I was more than happy to hang out with him and watch the Daily Show online.
Feeling touched out is normal. It’s hard not to read too much into it, especially if you’re a first time mom. One of the perks of second time parenthood is that it’s easier to identify those transient feelings, and to acknowledge them, and to deal with them constructively (most of the time).
In other news…the book is out! Go buy it! Irresistible: Erotic Romance for Couples! (And, yes I do see the irony of pimping my story about sex after kids in a post about feeling touched out…)
Filed under: Parenting, Post-partum sexuality, Published, Writing | Leave a Comment »